last night i began sorting through all of the journals i've ever written in, going back as far as kindergarten when i would create lists of my favorite star wars characters everyday, as it seems it would change based on my mood. princess leia was always at the top.

in a journal i found from the year i was fourteen, i write everyday about a handful of different boys i have crushes on. some of them i never even met, but knew online (including the first boy i dated, who i met on a radiohead forum & did meet & date in person). i wish i could remember what i was like then because i would never do this now. also, i have no recollection of being so boy-crazed at any point.

today marks one week since i have been single. i am struggling with a decicison i made that i thought would never happen. ciaran & i have been best friends for seven years & romantically involved for a good portion of that time. we have seemingly exhausted our time together. knowing eachother for so long makes it hard for us to not behave like we're still in a 17-year-old's relationship. i was so pleased with my decision, but my pride has quickly turned to regret as i blindly remind myself of how wonderful things can be every once in a blue blue moon.
this may be the hardest thing i've done to date.
puffy eyes & stomach aches & unanswered emotionaltextmessages until wee hours.

i made this piece for a private art exchange party this past weekend. the "assignment" for everyone was to create a piece in black & white that had thematically to do with interpersonal relationships. in return, i received a piece by my friend bobbi, who makes amazingly beautiful paintings. her work looks like this: http://eportfolio.cfa.arizona.edu/gallery.php?portid=511&sec=983

i wish i could do this every week.

this photo sort of embodies the feeling for me
that i want everyone to have when they look at
my art. for the most part.

shady dell
bisbee arizona
12.26.08

i was going to attempt being a little less superficial this time around, but i sort of had to mention how crazy i am. i spent over three hours online at work (while actually working-- i swear) looking for a place to buy the shoes that this girl is wearing. i saw her on face hunter & i just want those chie mihara shoes like no other shoes ever ever ever. i don't think i'll ever be able to find them. there are similar ones at anthropologie which i've been waiting to go on sale (which when they do will still be too much for me).



i'm green with green shoe envy!!! eugh. bad joke.