sucked into the abyss of some nothingness for the past how long? discussing with lia how we came to be in portland five months ago now-- & how did i manage this stretch of un-convention, jobless, meritless, outward aimlessness? it feels like i was just last week sanding the muck of time off of sweet antique furniture, our porch surrounded by overgrown summertime fern bodies.
i'm taking a wee break from other writings.
a jumble of words, i've forgotten how to speak after so many phrases, thoughts, writing re-writing. grad-school applications, that don't yet seem real.
a week of late-nights.
dinner with amazing women, my lia & her mama & company.
nestled in the corner of an otherwise unassuming dive-bar: transformed by sheepishly hung xmas light strands & pinkish tinsel, chewing on cardamom seeds, a dog fight & a pup lappin up spilt beer, & at the center of it all, old oregon folkie michael hurley. it was unlike a portland setting at all, somehow.
& him, a new something dans ma vie. too-loud cover bands left us in a corner communicating with written notes passed over the table & drawing pictures together. both of our handwritings in competition of legitimate cursive. this courtship is maybe the only thing that has been easy, of late. we're doing all the things you do, thrifting and movies and food and some sleep overs. also, this boy has weather-proofed my life, gifting me raincoats & rubber shoes.
when the room is too warm, we open his second-story window, & the cold of real winter air cuts through the dark. i lay pressed by the glass peering through the fog & settling on the church on alberta & 9th, which is always illuminated, rising spires like a set from metropolis. the Best view... and also-- the scent of soap & a proper scrawl of permanent ink across the collarbone -- "chega de saudade"
a reminder...
no more blues?
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