nika rebekah

just when i had seemingly reached a low point, something gave.
after the third visit to the DHS office to apply for food stamps, & hours of waiting in a lobby comprised of some of the least fortunate & saddest people in portland, i was finally received & am now in the possession of the maximum amount in food stamps one can get! on the walk home, i stopped at a yardsale & bought some decoupage/ceramic transfers from the 50s & a really lovely pair of 40s pumps, all for $1. i arrived home to a birthday care package from my parents. i opened it & my ever-present homesickness surfaced, as i cried opening each item. i suppose though that the sentiment of care packages justifies this behavior-- sometimes little things remind you of home more than being there does. in the box: tights, underwear, handmade soaps, bath salts, makeup remover pads (something i never buy myself), tea, dehydrated wild mushrooms, a pound bar of belgian chocolate, & a large clipping from the ny times about fred astaire & ginger rogers. as well as a birthday card & some $ that i wish i didn't need so badly.


i already noticing the sun dipping southward & cool evenings that i associate with mid-autumn weather in the desert (minus the already occasional rain). this summer feels like it has been lost, & am ready to embrace the autumn with hopeful productivity, inspiration & creation. i have not yet found them, but brisker weather is sure to inspire me. i am thrilled at the prospect of now being able to develop the rolls of film i have made in the misty rain forest of costal oregon, the bath-times in my clawfoot on cold days steaming the windows with overcast condensation, moldy antique couches that slouch lazily on my porch.
even though i'm still in this melancholy state, i'm beginning to thrill myself with my greatest escapist tactic-- through the lens.